How?

I just don't understand. How people are such selfish things. To where there is favoritism, always putting a person on a petiole and others get thrown in the dirt. What the heck? Such people are unfair, all my life I've had to deal with that. I'm tired of it. I always knew the real world would be bad, but this isn't the real world. I should of known parents would be the worse with favoritism. But I'd think that the good child would get all the love. Would anyone? So why is this pathetic pedophile thief piece of crap the favorite child? All he does is steal! Steal from him mom, steal from his dad, steal from his brothers, and steal from strangers! While lying to try to get his way, even getting a person pregnant just so the attention won't fall off him! Despicable! Who does that, and still gets all the love? She'll do anything for the person that yells at her, makes her cries, and steals from her! And I've had enough, I'm tired to telling she doesn't let him to that to her, tired of watching her hand over what little money she has in her pocket.
People like her are WEAK. Just because he's your son does not mean he has the right to treat you like his slave! You're the parent not him! I don't understand why she does all this. If she were my mom, that bastard of a son would never get a dime. And if he tried to steal her card and wasted 170$ at Wal-mart on crap? Jail time is what he would of got! But no, he gets away with it. And she acts like it's nothing bad, just walking around telling the story like it's an accomplishment! Like, "yeah he stole money from me, AGAIN, but I'm okay with it". Everyone looking at her like she's crazy!
I love her so much. She's just like a mother to me. Why does she constantly let herself get hurt by him??? I'll never understand. And thanks to them. I'll always look at my son and wonder if he'll turn out like that. Because if he does. I don't think I'll be able to do the same as her. I think I would just disown him...
Sorry, but I am not so weak that I'd let my own son walk all over me because I'm afraid he'll stop loving me. Because with all I've been through with my own mother. I know, no matter how much hatred there is out in the open... A child will never hate their parents.

Well.

Sorry about that. It's been a long few days. Nothing was completely bad. But there were a lot of dead ends and turn arounds. For real. But onto better news.
Planning my wedding with Thomas, which I hope to happen in July next years. But I feel somethings going to stop it. Something always does..

Cracked

Once again I cracked... I don't know why. I think it's just the way it is. When you love someone. No matter what, it's just too hard to stay away or hate the one you love.

Today was suppose to be a Good day.

Don't you just hate it when everything goes wrong? That's just what it felt like today. It just seems like he did it on purpose. I asked him to do just one little thing to make my grandma happy. But he didn't, he blew it out of proportion, then just left me there. If I didn't have our two friends there... I don't know what I would of done. I just don't understand, if you love someone how could you do something like that to them? How could you just leave them so rudely? It's not like I didn't ask him to come back, because I did ask him to come back. But he didn't. I guess I knew all along this day was coming. I could just feel it. That feeling when you people grow apart. But they just don't want to admit it. I've been feeling that from him for a long time now. Just waiting, waiting to see if those feelings were real or not. And hoping that they weren't. I so desperately didn't want them to be real.
After so long doing the same things, you get used to it. Then everything else just doesn't seem right. Even the littlest things, things you never seem to notice until it's so bluntly put out there. I can not even sleep because he is not by my side. I wonder where he is... Recently it's been feeling like there's someone else. Someone else he'd rather be with, or just plain someone else he is with. I don't know, is either one of them better then the other? Maybe there isn't another person, maybe we've just lost touch of the reason we feel in love. How can you just walk away from a life you worked so hard to create? To have?
I don't want him thinking that he can do whatever he pleases, then come back the next day and act like nothing just happened. I don't want him thinking that he can have it any way he wants. I love him very deeply, he's the father of my child. And the man I will love for a very long time after this. But he wanted to walk out of this relationship, and as I told him. There's not going to be another chance. Every time we break up, we end up making up. But I don't want that anymore. I just want it clean cut. I'm tired of needing him, and depending on him. Putting everything else on the back burner for me. I refuse to take him back.
In the end, he knows I'd do anything for him. But that's just not what I want. I want to be with him so badly, but I don't want to be controlled by my love for him. If not being with him will make us both understand how two people should act when they are together. I think I'll really try my hardest to just not be together anymore. I can do so much better. And maybe after some time apart when we both change a little. Maybe I can get better, in him. I really honestly can't see myself with anyone else, having Skyler and all. But it just seems so easy for him to just pick up and be with someone else. But I'm not just going to get back with him so he doesn't move on. If he moves on he moves on.
We worked so hard to be with each other. It took so much time of liking, and unliking, yearning and waiting for us to be together. When Skyler came into the picture. I never knew Thomas loved me so much that on the night Skyler was born he was right by my side. Holding me, comforting, and shedding tears for me. I never knew how much I really loved him, until that moment. I knew then that, he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But maybe it's just too soon, we're both just a little to immature for a real relationship. All this time together, and we haven't grown a bit. Being a mother and a father did not change that fact that we're still young and still selfish.

Facebook.

Alright, last night I recreated a facebook page. My third one I think? I constantly delete them. Why? Personal reasons I'd say. So why did I recreate a new one? I'm a super nosey person, and I like being in the loop. So that's why, to keep in touch with people I don't keep in touch with anymore. Not like because I don't want to. But because it's just hard with Skyler. I have no life, so it's not like I can hang out with people the way I used too. I mean I'm okay with that, but still. I don't want to have people cut out of my life completely. I still want to keep a quick way to contact a friend for some random reason. Busy write back later.

Detective Conan.

Okay, so back in the day when Adult Swim had Case Closed I watched every single episode. But then it got cut, and I was like "Aww sad face". But recently I've been reading the manga. I gotta admit, I think it's even better then the anime? I don't really know, I like them both. But yeah, (watching the DVD right now) just wanted to mention it. Because it's late and Skyler's finally asleep at a time he's suppose to be.

Netflix.

Wow, okay. Just yesterday I ordered a DVD from Netflix. So I was assuming that it was gonna come tomorrow. But to my surprise, it was in the mail box today! I was like WHOAA. I don't know if that's common or not for Netflix. But dang, I'm very pleased. Even though I'm not going to lie. I don't really like how limited their selection is for stream live on the computer. But this is super amazing. Haha, I'm watching the DVD now. Yay, thumbs up Netflix.
On other news. So I'm really wanting a job. But I've applied at so many places. Just seems like no one is hiring. Then again, I have no real job experience. But I would think that everyone would want an asian chick working for them. Haha. Eh, today I think I'm going to call a few businesses and see if any of them are hiring. I mean it's not like we're suffering with only my boyfriend working. But it only gives us enough to pay bills, and for one splurge a pay check if any. And I'm not saying anything from this besides what I am trying to say. But Thomas loves to buy things, so most of the pay check goes to whatever he wants. Then I feel bad that I didn't earn that cash so I shouldn't really be able to spend it. So that's like saddening. Then I also want to buy Skyler tons of stuff, but I always feel like if I buy him something we won't have to money to pay any bills. So ugh, it just erks me. That's really the main reason I want a job. Extra cash so I can spend it on Skyler. He deserves all the best things in the world. But I don't want to have to feel bad about buying him things, then not having money to pay bills, or pay for gas and junk. Also Christmas really is just around the corner. So I really want to start saving for that also. I don't want to when it comes December we have to stretch our dollar and buy cheapish gifts. I want nice presents. At least for Skyler, and my brother and sister. Also probably my mom, and the in-laws.
Well that's it for now I think. Gonna finish watching my DVD then call around to see if anyone is hiring. Bye for now.

Happier mood.

My beautiful little angle (:
Okay, like when I posted my last blog I was depressed mode. Grandma like totally threw it on me. Like she really wanted to hurt my feelings or something. Which she did, hurtful for real. But yeah, on a better note. Yayy, new iPhone in a few days. My old one was like ECK anyways. I've like had it for 2 years, and it was dropped once to many times. So yeaaah, ewww much? Jk, but yeah I loved it. However, yaay. Even though it's costing me. Ugh, like I'm just made of money. Like 3 bills is coming out of this one pay check, now also that!? I want a job soo bad. Even I am starting college soon. I just hate not having a job. Like for real. It's so boring. And it makes me feel extra lazy. I mean yeah I'm a lazy person. But I like to work. Half way gives me meaning in life. The other Whole is SKYLER of course! Well, keeping it short. About to go randomly apply for jobs.

Horrible News.

What's the worse possible news could a person get?
This week just hasn't been my week. My iPhone broke, so I had to buy a new one. There goes 105+$ Went in for the check up, find out the prescription I got didn't help. There goes another 91.32$ Also have to get a different prescriotion. Then go see a dermatologist. And I have no insurance. But worse? My uncle has gone blind. Thanks to me taking back my word. I never heard of it in real life. Someone so embarrassed that they lose their sight. And everyone's so quick to blame me. Because I didn't do what they wanted me too. Because I chose my own happiness. I didn't think of anyone else. I was so brain washed it seems. Feeling like they were using me, and taking advantage of me. Now I find out because I quit half way. I ruined two people's lives. If not more then two people. I can feel it now, my aunt, my cousins, and definitely my uncle... Hating me. All the mistakes I did, all the damage I caused. Can anyone feel any worse then I do right now? I feel like I hate myself so much. Like everyone else hates me with a deep passion. My grandma, I could hear in her tone. So disappointed in me. She didn't expect nothing from me. But for me to keep my word. But I didn't, I made such a scene. Now, I don't know what to do. I can't say I feel bad about it, then have everything go back to normal. Nothing I do from this point on will do any good. Will everyone on my mother's side hate me now? I don't even know, but now it just feels like I can not face any of them. I'm such a horrible person. So ugly. So horrible. I just wish I never knew. But she told me. She told me, probably to spite me. To make me regret my decision. And I don't know. I think I really do regret it now. My first real regret in life. And it's because I promised to do something, then half way I quit. I hate myself.

Freebies and Netflix.

Okay, recently I've been on this "roll". You know how most magazines come with like a page full of freebies? Of course. Well I've always gotten, or bought them. But I don't think I've ever really entered into any of their freebie contests. Mainly because I never really felt like I had the time to enter them. Or just because I plain flat out forgot about them. But yeah recently, since I just started to get all subscribed to like a ton of magazines (used to just take my moms). I decided that I wanted to enter all these freebie stuff. In hopes of winning? No, not really. I'm very unlucky when it comes to winning. Like for real. I don't think I can clearly unimaginatively tell you I've honestly won any contest! And it's definitely not because I've never entered into any contests either. And it's not like I don't enter random contests. Because with contest that involve talent, or just pure luck. I'm at like a zero, no win spot in my life. But of course if I ever remember winning a contest. I'll talk about it, and probably blow it out of proportion! Lmao.
Anyways. Last night my boyfriend and I decided to get netflix. I mean the free trail was a nice plus too. But you see, we have TVs in our household yet no cable. It's to expensive, mainly because we're never home to watch it. Also, this way just seems cheaper. Yet also just as entertaining. Doesn't everyone else feel so? When I go to his mother's house she has Insight. Which is like The Best. Even though it really does cost her an arm and a leg. But day time I don't really need to worry about watching any of my favorite shows. I'll just DVR it over her house then watch it over there. But at night it does get pretty boring sometimes. And yes we do have collection of DVDs. But not that much, and I am the type of person that can watch a movie on repeat for a few days straight. No kidding. However, I also still like variety. So some nights I just want to watch something new. Or something I didn't get a chance to catch on the big screen. Because I had to watch my son, instead. Which really is much better in every way. (: That was the mommy side of me. Haha, I love my baby boy.

Night timee,

Well okay, four post in one day seems like a loooot. Which it probably is. But I have nothing better to do! Lame no life. Grawwr. But actually, awhile ago was pretty amazing. Just spending time with my Babe. I love him, (: Fed Skyler, tried to put him to bed. He's probably just laying in his crib. Wobbling around like he's been doing lately. Ugh, on a side note. Messed up my iPhone! I assume I must of dropped it one too many times. Because now it won't charge. Took me awhile, but I had then also noticed that there was a hugggeish crack coming from the charger area. So duh, of course it won't charge. I feel sad : / Because like I got it two years ago. So of course there's no insurance on it. Ugh, and if I want to upgrade it I gotta do all these things involving asking my step mom all these questions. Eck, and who knows how much money. Once again, a mother of a new born. So my budget is TIGHT. For reals. So I really don't want to waste more money then I need too. Even though I really do need a cell phone. Seeing that we don't have a house phone. Mainly because we're (Thomas, Skyler, and I) are never home. So it would just be a waste. But like my phone bill was being paid for by my step mom. Ugh, the free life is probably going down the drain as I type. Breaks my heart! Literally, now how will I contact the outside world when I feel like I wanna talk Talk to someone??
It's pretty sad. Now I have no phone to talk to my Babe when he's at work. Sad Nhi. For real thought. Anywaysss. Off that topic because I was like totally over milking it. Well, I think that's all for now. I mean there are other things I wanna talk about, but like I don't really have all the thoughts put together.. BLAHH.
LoveeXOXO?:)

The Weeeeell type of person.

Okkaay, so. Just some extra time on my hand once again. Long day, had an appointment but I ended up doing it on the phone. Because well, I didn't have makeup on. Also, I didn't feel like going anywhere. Today is a lazy day. Well, right now I have a topic in my head that I feel like writing about. My odd personality. I'm the type of person, sometimes when I first meet someone I just don't like them. But I go pass that, and still try to be friendly. You know? But sometimes it's really annoying. But I just don't want to be rude and be a total d*ck to someone just because I don't like them. So most of the time, I'm like biting my tongue trying to be nice to people I really don't need to be nice too. Just because I feel like I should be a better person and not make someone feel like "eck". Lmao, what ever that means. But yeah, I can tell a person I don't like them. But I'll still show them common courtesy, I guess it's just the way I was raised? Haa, not. But still, I don't feel two people should act like enemies even if they are. Idk? It's just an ugly characteristic. For two people to be b*tches, that is. I don't feel like it's being fake when the other person knows how much you dislike them. Not like we're all "I love you, I love you". So I don't consider it anything but being nice and polite. ( :
The world can be an ugly place. But I refuse to continually show my ugly side. Even though, I promise you it's there. And when my buttons are pushed. I'll surely show them, without a doubt. :P

The Eh Post.

Since I have some free time. Skyler's sleeping in his crib. And no one's here but myself. I guess I'll just randomly type. To take away some of the boredom. Well, ehh. Being a mom as a teen. Wow, epic stuff man. Being a parent has literally changed a lot about me. My opinion on certain things. And just the overall way I act and react to things. But not COMPLETELY. I'm still somewhat myself. But now that I have another person, besides myself, depending on me. I feel like I'm lost? Well not lost, but like completely cornered with responsibilities. I mean what did I expect? I knew it would be tough being a parent. But I wanted my son, deeply. I suppose it's that same ol' story, "I just want someone to always love and need and be there for me." Though I know there are plenty of times when I really don't love my mom. I will always LOVE LOVE her though. But yeah, I don't know. Just the typical reason for wanting a child. I need I know I don't have like 100% percent of the best things for a child. But let me tell you, my boyfriend and I are doing our best. Unlike some people out there, I shall name no names. But they have kids knowing that they do not need a child and will not be able to support a child. A grown a** man, with his younggger girlfriend jumping from house to house with their new born. Constantly stealing money and begging for diapers, while on the other hand wasting money on drugs. Like what the heck!? Why did you have that child?? Just to make them suffer?? Just because you wanted some more attention on you, you create a life you can't EVER support!?? What ever! I can't stand when people have babies to take advance of the fact that they do have that child. To milk what ever they can from another certain person. Like wow, self-esteem issues must have something to do with it. But I mean I'm not trying to say I'm perfect. Because I'm DEFF NOT! Blaaah.
My boyfriend and I try our hardest not to depend on others toooo much. Which we don't! He has a good paying job, and I'm starting college soon. We pay bills, we don't mooch money off our push over loved ones. I'd say we're doing a VERY okay job in taking care of our family. Even though sometimes yeaaah it gets hard. When he's crying in pain, and it breaks my heart. But I just can't tell what's wrong. Or when I wisssh I could have some freedom like when I was still young, but I can't because when I look at him I know that even though this life isn't the Craziest Funniest life. It's the MOST AMAZING LIFE EVER. Point Blank.

Okay, Let's start OVER.

Wow, so I just stumbled upon Blogger. And I find out I've made it loooong loong ago. I could barely finish reading one of my old blogs. Like WTH~? Shame on my old self. Cussing like a sailor. Bad. So yeah, like anyone else. I deleted them! Boo-YAHH. Yes, epic win for Nhi. (: