Wow,

So I haven't made a post in forever. Honestly, I had forgotten all about Blogger... Haha, sorry. I'll try to be better about it...

How?

I just don't understand. How people are such selfish things. To where there is favoritism, always putting a person on a petiole and others get thrown in the dirt. What the heck? Such people are unfair, all my life I've had to deal with that. I'm tired of it. I always knew the real world would be bad, but this isn't the real world. I should of known parents would be the worse with favoritism. But I'd think that the good child would get all the love. Would anyone? So why is this pathetic pedophile thief piece of crap the favorite child? All he does is steal! Steal from him mom, steal from his dad, steal from his brothers, and steal from strangers! While lying to try to get his way, even getting a person pregnant just so the attention won't fall off him! Despicable! Who does that, and still gets all the love? She'll do anything for the person that yells at her, makes her cries, and steals from her! And I've had enough, I'm tired to telling she doesn't let him to that to her, tired of watching her hand over what little money she has in her pocket.
People like her are WEAK. Just because he's your son does not mean he has the right to treat you like his slave! You're the parent not him! I don't understand why she does all this. If she were my mom, that bastard of a son would never get a dime. And if he tried to steal her card and wasted 170$ at Wal-mart on crap? Jail time is what he would of got! But no, he gets away with it. And she acts like it's nothing bad, just walking around telling the story like it's an accomplishment! Like, "yeah he stole money from me, AGAIN, but I'm okay with it". Everyone looking at her like she's crazy!
I love her so much. She's just like a mother to me. Why does she constantly let herself get hurt by him??? I'll never understand. And thanks to them. I'll always look at my son and wonder if he'll turn out like that. Because if he does. I don't think I'll be able to do the same as her. I think I would just disown him...
Sorry, but I am not so weak that I'd let my own son walk all over me because I'm afraid he'll stop loving me. Because with all I've been through with my own mother. I know, no matter how much hatred there is out in the open... A child will never hate their parents.

Well.

Sorry about that. It's been a long few days. Nothing was completely bad. But there were a lot of dead ends and turn arounds. For real. But onto better news.
Planning my wedding with Thomas, which I hope to happen in July next years. But I feel somethings going to stop it. Something always does..

Cracked

Once again I cracked... I don't know why. I think it's just the way it is. When you love someone. No matter what, it's just too hard to stay away or hate the one you love.

Today was suppose to be a Good day.

Don't you just hate it when everything goes wrong? That's just what it felt like today. It just seems like he did it on purpose. I asked him to do just one little thing to make my grandma happy. But he didn't, he blew it out of proportion, then just left me there. If I didn't have our two friends there... I don't know what I would of done. I just don't understand, if you love someone how could you do something like that to them? How could you just leave them so rudely? It's not like I didn't ask him to come back, because I did ask him to come back. But he didn't. I guess I knew all along this day was coming. I could just feel it. That feeling when you people grow apart. But they just don't want to admit it. I've been feeling that from him for a long time now. Just waiting, waiting to see if those feelings were real or not. And hoping that they weren't. I so desperately didn't want them to be real.
After so long doing the same things, you get used to it. Then everything else just doesn't seem right. Even the littlest things, things you never seem to notice until it's so bluntly put out there. I can not even sleep because he is not by my side. I wonder where he is... Recently it's been feeling like there's someone else. Someone else he'd rather be with, or just plain someone else he is with. I don't know, is either one of them better then the other? Maybe there isn't another person, maybe we've just lost touch of the reason we feel in love. How can you just walk away from a life you worked so hard to create? To have?
I don't want him thinking that he can do whatever he pleases, then come back the next day and act like nothing just happened. I don't want him thinking that he can have it any way he wants. I love him very deeply, he's the father of my child. And the man I will love for a very long time after this. But he wanted to walk out of this relationship, and as I told him. There's not going to be another chance. Every time we break up, we end up making up. But I don't want that anymore. I just want it clean cut. I'm tired of needing him, and depending on him. Putting everything else on the back burner for me. I refuse to take him back.
In the end, he knows I'd do anything for him. But that's just not what I want. I want to be with him so badly, but I don't want to be controlled by my love for him. If not being with him will make us both understand how two people should act when they are together. I think I'll really try my hardest to just not be together anymore. I can do so much better. And maybe after some time apart when we both change a little. Maybe I can get better, in him. I really honestly can't see myself with anyone else, having Skyler and all. But it just seems so easy for him to just pick up and be with someone else. But I'm not just going to get back with him so he doesn't move on. If he moves on he moves on.
We worked so hard to be with each other. It took so much time of liking, and unliking, yearning and waiting for us to be together. When Skyler came into the picture. I never knew Thomas loved me so much that on the night Skyler was born he was right by my side. Holding me, comforting, and shedding tears for me. I never knew how much I really loved him, until that moment. I knew then that, he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But maybe it's just too soon, we're both just a little to immature for a real relationship. All this time together, and we haven't grown a bit. Being a mother and a father did not change that fact that we're still young and still selfish.

Facebook.

Alright, last night I recreated a facebook page. My third one I think? I constantly delete them. Why? Personal reasons I'd say. So why did I recreate a new one? I'm a super nosey person, and I like being in the loop. So that's why, to keep in touch with people I don't keep in touch with anymore. Not like because I don't want to. But because it's just hard with Skyler. I have no life, so it's not like I can hang out with people the way I used too. I mean I'm okay with that, but still. I don't want to have people cut out of my life completely. I still want to keep a quick way to contact a friend for some random reason. Busy write back later.

Detective Conan.

Okay, so back in the day when Adult Swim had Case Closed I watched every single episode. But then it got cut, and I was like "Aww sad face". But recently I've been reading the manga. I gotta admit, I think it's even better then the anime? I don't really know, I like them both. But yeah, (watching the DVD right now) just wanted to mention it. Because it's late and Skyler's finally asleep at a time he's suppose to be.